The Blob hangs around during a lot of interactions and communication. Some people can see it and some people can’t.
Unfortunately, the Blob is invisible to you. Your partner, however can see it. At the beginning of the relationship, it didn't cause any problems. When your partner noticed it, it blended into the background a lot of the time. When it did get a bit bigger and darker, she managed to shrug it off and forget about it.
On occasion, the fact that your partner could see it and you couldn't did make a difference. Sometimes, she would say, 'Can't you see it?' and you would shrug and the conversation would be over.
But as the years went by, life got more difficult. The demands of work got higher, and you noticed more people talked about the Blob that you couldn't see. Your partner seemed worn down by the Blob. She kept describing how big and black it was sometimes. When you argued, she would shout, 'Why are you pretending everything is fine?'.
After a while, you stopped trying to see the Blob, and started wondering if your partner actually has emotional problems or is complaining for the sake of it. You've never seen the Blob. Maybe it isn’t real. Why does your partner complain all the time about something that you can't see?
The Blob shapeshifts even more. It's really hard to define, constantly changing colour and shape. The difficult times are coming thick and fast and the Blob is getting more massive and overwhelming. It affects your partner's most personal relationships the most, because that's where she feels most comfortable to tell the truth.
She doesn’t seem to understand why you don’t acknowledge it. 'It's right there!' she points. 'Right there. Why aren't you helping me manage this?'
Slowly the partner realises that there's an implication that she's crazy or complaining about nothing. Meanwhile, the Blob is pretty unmanageable. ‘I have to sort this Blob out!’ she thinks. ’I’ve got to get it under control.’ So your partner starts spending more time with other people who able to see the Blob. She receives sympathy and strategies for managing the Blob. This provides a little relief from the difficulties in the relationship. But your partner resents the implication that she's crazy or complaining too much.
At one point, after a lot of unfortunate events, something breaks inside your partner. You both have a big row and she starts shouting, 'It's right there! Why won't you look at it?!'.
This is not the first time your partner has shouted at you and it simply cements your view that your partner is a bit unhinged. ‘I don't think I should put up with this,’ you say. ‘I can't tolerate all your complaining and shouting. I need space from you.’
Your partner gives you the space you need and in time you remember the good things about her that drew you to her in the first place. You both agree to give it another go. During the break, your partner hears about this condition and realises that maybe you can't see the Blob. It's invisible to you, you don't have the capacity to see it. That would explain a lot, she thinks.
It takes a long time and a lot of money, but eventually she finds an optician who confirms that you have The Invisible Blob Syndrome or TIBS for short.
The partner realises that no amount of explaining or gesturing or pointing is going to make you have the power to see the Blob, and how scary it can be sometimes. But for you, nothing has changed. You've been told there's something you can't see, and you still can't see it.
But your partner has more mood swings. She cries a lot and then gets irrationally angry. You ask her what's going on. She says, 'There's a gap between us that I can't do anything about. No matter what happens I will always be able to see the Blob and you won't. You won't see it when it's colourful and friendly or when it's huge and overwhelming and black. And there's nothing I can do about it.'
You say, ‘Now hold on there. Why are you reacting like this? I've never been able to see the Blob. Why is it such a problem now? We've had some good times, haven't we?’ Internally, though, all these mood swings are affecting you, and they're not entirely adding to her cause. Maybe she is a bit unstable as well as you having this Blob condition thing. You say to her, ‘The specialist just told us what we had already guessed. Why does it make any difference?’
Your partner gives you a funny look. She doesn't say anything. You suspect in the past she would take this opportunity to complain about the Blob but this time she stays silent. 'Why is she acting differently?' you wonder. ‘Nothing has changed.’
The partner thinks to herself, ‘I'm not sure he believes me that there is a Blob after all. He's telling me I'm complaining a lot and I'm negative, just like he used to. What can I do? I feel helpless. There's no way of explaining how distressing and upsetting the amorphous Blob is. He simply can't see it and never will be able to. Am I going to be labelled crazy or negative for the rest of the relationship? I'm not sure I can live with that.’
You try your best to tolerate the changes in your partner. She seems to be withdrawing more and more. Occasionally she is irritable and snappy. The mood swings are unpredictable and exhausting to live with. Suddenly, your partner says ‘I'm not sure I can live with you any more.’ You snap. ‘You're ridiculous,’ you say. ‘You're saying I'm the problem? I've never been able to see this Blob but now some doctor tells you that, and you have these mood swings and are so rude to me! Now you're saying you can't tolerate me? Well, let me tell you, you're pretty intolerable too.’
This comes after quite a bit of time the partner has spent bottling up her fears. It's too much for your partner. She packs her bags and says she's staying at her mum's for a while. You're sick of the dramatics and wouldn't mind a break from the constant tension either. ‘Fine. Go,’ you say. ‘I need a break from you too.’
Over time, it becomes less clear that she's coming back. You make lots of attempts to address the invisible Blob, but these don't seem to work. Your partner tells you your efforts aren't working.
You are infuriated. 'But I am trying so hard!' you say. ‘Just forget the Blob for a minute and look at what I am prepared to do to win you back!’
But the Blob your partner sees has begun to obscure her view. It's hard and shiny and looks painful. She says, ‘Yes you are trying and yes that's important and it does matter.’ All the while, the black shiny Blob hangs over her. She can always see it, like a fly in the corner of her eye. ‘I want to value you and recognise your efforts but I'm distracted. I wish I couldn't see the Blob either. I'm scared now because I am going to have to manage this stupid Blob all by myself. It might blend into the background sometimes, but it's never going to leave me. How can I be grateful for your efforts when the Blob is always reminding me of our differences and I have to expend a lot of energy managing it?’
You tell your partner that she is treating you differently because of what the specialist said. That the partner is discriminatory. That the partner is blobist.
The partner begins to sob and cries desperately. ‘Maybe I am? Maybe I am a bad person.’ You say, ‘Maybe you are. But let's stay together anyway. We've had some good times, I'm sure we can again. I'll put up with the bad bits. It's worth it for the good times we can have together.’
At this point your partner is confused. ‘No,’ says the partner. ‘I don't want you to put up with that. You deserve better.’
‘But wait,’ you say. ‘I don't want you to go. It's not that bad.’
‘Oh, but it is,’ says the partner. ‘It's ok, you'll be happier in the long run,’ she says. ‘And that's what I want. For you to be happy.’
‘That's scary,’ you say.
‘Yes it is,’ says the partner, ‘but I don't think this relationship is bringing the best out of either of us.’
‘No probably not,’ you reply.
‘Good luck,’ the partner says.
‘So this is it?’ you say. ‘This is goodbye?’
‘Yes,’ says the partner. ‘It is.’
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